Digital marketing is influential to advertising businesses, with a veritable platform being SMSs. SMSs, with their widespread usage, have produced several academic enquiries. They have, however, been abused by telemarketers who inundate subscribers with spam—unsolicited and indiscriminately sent SMSs. A linguistic stylistic analysis of purposively gathered spam SMS data supplies insight into Nigerian spam SMSs’ unique linguistic features. Nigerian spam SMSs cover categories such as network/service provider texts, bank texts, sport texts, health texts, religion texts, and bonanza/jackpot texts. Spam SMSs were primarily used for advertisement, with phone users, the ultimate “victims,” receiving an average of 3.4 messages per day. Nigerian spam SMSs, despite usually being sent from “official” sources, include linguistic features like textese, graphological deviation, and non-conformity to punctuation rules, while also using code-mixing and internet text notations. They are also persuasive thanks to their use of verbal inducement, emotive language, polite salutations and “call-to-action” verbs.