More than the selfie
Online dating, non-monogamy, normativity, and linked profiles on OkCupid
Success in the digital dating world is often dependent on an individual’s ability to negotiate the
affordances and
constraints of platforms (
Bucher &
Helmond 2017) while effectively expressing who one is and what they are looking for. Since mononormativity is the
dominant script that underpins ideals of romantic love and intimate relations in our society (
Wolkomir 2019), for the millions who ascribe to non-monogamy, profile creation is often complicated by dating platform
interfaces and relationship orientations. This research takes a critical multimodal discourse approach (
Machin 2016,
Milani 2013) to examine the interplay between
various semiotic modes in meaning making about sexual normativities (
Motschenbacher
2019) in digital dating contexts, and considers how people navigating non-traditional relationship orientations
negotiate discourse in digital dating contexts to demonstrate how discourse and design have the ability to empower and marginalize
users (
Sun 2020) as well maintain cultural norms (
Wachter-Boettcher 2017) about emotional bonding and sexuality.
Article outline
- 1.Introduction
- 2.Consensual non-monogamy and sexual normativity
- 3.Multimodality and queer linguistics
- 4.Consensual non-monogamy and digital design
- 4.1Labeling relationship type and status
- 4.2Linking profiles
- 4.3Constructing non-monogamy through written bios
- 4.4Visualizing non-monogamy through profile photos
- 5.Conclusion
- Ethics statement
- Acknowledgements
- Notes
-
References
References (83)
References
Anderson, Eric. 2012. The
Monogamy Gap: Men, Love, and the Reality of Cheating. New York: Oxford University Press.
Armstrong, Elizabeth A., England, Paula & Fogarty, Alison C. K. 2012. Accounting for
women’s orgasm and sexual enjoyment in college hookups and relationships. American Sociological
Review 77(3): 435–462.
Ault, Michael K. & Gilder, Bobbi Van. 2015. Polygamy in the United
States: How marginalized religious communities cope with stigmatizing discourses surrounding plural
marriage. Journal of Intercultural Communication
Research 44(4): 307–328.
Barker, Meg. 2005. This
is my partner, and this is my … partner’s partner: Constructing a polyamorous identity in a monogamous
world. Journal of Constructivist
Psychology 18(1): 75–88.
Bauer, Robin. 2010. Non-monogamy
in queer BDSM communities: Putting the sex back into alternative relationship practices and
discourse. In Understanding
Non-Monogamies. Meg Barker & Darren Langdridge (eds), 142–153. New York: Routledge.
Baym, Nancy. 2010. Personal
Connections in the Digital
Age. Cambridge: Polity.
Berg, Alex. 2014. Why
these queers are boycotting OkCupid – and you should, too. Huffington
Post. <[URL]> (June 29 2020).
Brown, Anna. 2020. Lesbian,
gay and bisexual online daters report positive experiences – but also harassment. Pew Research
Center. <[URL]> (August 17 2020).
Bucher, Taina & Helmond, Anne. 2017. The
affordances of social media platforms. In The SAGE Handbook of Social
Media, Jean Burgess, Thomas Poell & Alice E. Marwick (eds) 233–253. London: Sage.
Callis, April Scarlette. 2014. Bisexual, pansexual,
queer: Non-binary identities and the sexual
borderlands. Sexualities 17(1–2): 63–80.
Carlson, Bronwyn. 2019. Love
and hate at the cultural interface: Indigenous Australians and dating apps: Journal of
Sociology 56(2): 133–150.
Chapais, Bernard. 2013. Monogamy,
strongly bonded groups, and the evolution of human social structure. Evolutionary
Anthropology 22(2): 52–65.
DeLamater, John & Rebecca F. Plante. 2015. Handbook
of the Sociology of Sexualities. New York: Springer.
Dijck, Jose van. 2013. The Culture of Connectivity: A
Critical History of Social Media. Oxford: Oxford University Press.
Dimock, Michael. 2019. Defining generations: Where Millennials end and Generation Z begins. Pew Research Center. <[URL]> (May 30 2020).
Douglas, Susan J. 2004 [1999]. Listening In: Radio and the American Imagination. Minneapolis, MN: University of Minnesota Press.
Drouin, Michelle, Miller, Daniel, Wehle, Shaun M. J. & Hernandez, Elisa. 2016. Why
do people lie online? “Because everyone lies on the internet.” Computers in Human
Behavior 641: 134–142.
Duguay, Stefanie. 2016. “He
has a way gayer Facebook than I do”: Investigating sexual identity disclosure and context collapse on a social networking
site. New Media &
Society 18(6): 891–907.
Ferrer, Jorge N. 2018. Mononormativity, polypride, and
the “mono–poly wars.” Sexuality &
Culture 22(3): 817–836.
Flowerdew, John. 2017. Critical
Discourse Studies in context. In The Routledge Handbook of Critical
Discourse Studies, John Flowerdew & John E. Richardson (eds), 165–179. New York: Taylor & Francis.
Foucault, Michel. 1977. Discipline
and Punish: The Birth of the Prison. New York: Pantheon Books.
Foucault, Michel. 1988. Technologies
of the Self: A Seminar with Michel Foucault. Amherst: University of Massachusetts Press.
Fry, Richard. 2020. Millennials overtake Baby Boomers as America’s largest generation. Pew Research Center. <[URL]> (May 30 2020).
Gahran, Amy. 2012. Riding
the relationship escalator (or not). Solo Poly. <[URL]> (February 5 2019).
Gahran, Amy. 2013. Couple
privilege: Having it doesn’t necessarily make you an asshole (but it
might). SoloPoly. <[URL]> (November 13 2019).
Gibson, James J. 2014. The theory of
affordances. In The People, Place, and Space
Reader, Jen Jack Gieseking, William Mangold, Cindi Katz, Setha Low & Susan Saegert (eds), 56–60. New York: Routledge.
Giddens, Anthony. 1992. The
Transformation of Intimacy: Sexuality, Love, and Eroticism in Modern
Societies. Stanford: Stanford University Press.
Goldhill, Olivia. 2018. Polyamorous
sex is the most quietly revolutionary political weapon in the United
States. Quartz. <[URL]> (December 21 2018).
Grinberg, Emanuella. 2016. OkCupid
adds feature for polyamorous users. CNN Online, U.S.
Edition. <[URL]> (October 3 2017).
Haritaworn, Jin, Lin, Chin-ju & Klesse, Christian. 2006. Poly/logue:
A critical introduction to
polyamory: Sexualities 9(5): 515–529.
Haupert, Mara L., Gesselman, Amanda N., Moors, Amy C., Fisher, Helen E. & Garcia, Justin R. 2017. Prevalence of
experiences with consensual nonmonogamous relationships: Findings from two national samples of single
Americans. Journal of Sex & Marital
Therapy 43(5): 424–440.
Hogenboom, Melissa. 2016. Polyamorous
relationships may be the future of love. BBC News, sec.
Future. <[URL]> (June 6 2020).
Hyde, Janet S. & DeLamater, John. 2000. Understanding
Human Sexuality. 7th edition. New York: Mcgraw-Hill.
Iedema, Rick. 2003. Multimodality,
resemiotization: Extending the analysis of discourse as multi-semiotic practice. Visual
Communication 2(1): 29–57.
Jenks, Richard J. 1998. Swinging: A review of the
literature. Archives of Sexual
Behavior 27(5): 507–521.
Kale, Sirin. 2018. All
you need is loves: The truth about polyamory. The Guardian, sec. Life
and style. <[URL]> (June 6 2020).
Khazan, Olga. 2016. OkCupid
adds a feature for the polyamorous. The Atlantic. <[URL]> (October 3 2017).
Klesse, Christian. 2006. Polyamory
and its ‘others’: Contesting the terms of
non-monogamy. Sexualities 9(5): 565–583.
Klesse, Christian. 2014. Polyamory:
Intimate practice, identity or sexual
orientation? Sexualities 17(1–2): 81–99.
Kress, Gunther R. & van Leeuwen, Theo. 1998. Front
pages: (The critical) analysis of newspaper layout. In Approaches to
Media Discourse, Allan Bell & Peter Garrett (eds), 186–219. Malden, MA: Blackwell.
Kunst, Alexander. 2019. U.S. online dating by age 2017. Statista. <[URL]> (September 16 2019).
Laura. 2020. Polyamory glossary.
Ready for polyamory. <[URL]>. (October 3 2020).
Leap, William L. 2015. Queer linguistics as critical
discourse analysis. In The Handbook of Discourse Analysis, Deborah Tannen, Heidi E. Hamilton & Deborah Schiffrin (eds), 661–680. Chichester: John Wiley.
Machin, David. 2007. Introduction
to Multimodal Analysis. London: Bloomsbury Academic.
Machin, David. 2013. What
is multimodal critical discourse studies? Critical Discourse
Studies 10(4): 347–355.
Machin, David. 2016. The
need for a social and affordance-driven multimodal critical discourse studies. Discourse &
Society 27(3): 322–334.
MacKenzie, Donald & Wajcman, Judy (eds). 1999. The
Social Shaping of Technology. 2nd
edition. Philadelphia: McGraw Hill Education / Open University.
Mahler, Jess. 2016. Kitchen
table polyamory, parallel polyamory, and etiquette. Jess Mahler. <[URL]> (January 21 2020).
Matsick, Jes L., Conley, Terri D., Ziegler, Ali, Moors, Amy C. & Rubin, Jennifer D. 2014. Love and sex:
Polyamorous relationships are perceived more favourably than swinging and open
relationships. Psychology &
Sexuality 5(4): 339–348.
Milani, Tommaso M. 2016. Straight-acting: Discursive
negotiations of a homomasculine identity. In The Routledge Handbook
of Language and Identity, Siân Preece (ed), 469–483. London: Routledge.
Miller, Geoffrey. 2019. Polyamory
is growing – and we need to get serious about it. Quillette. <[URL]> (November 3 2019).
Motschenbacher, Heiko. 2017. Sexuality
in critical discourse studies. In The Routledge Handbook of Critical
Discourse Studies, John Flowerdew & John E. Richardson (eds), 388–403. New York: Routledge.
Motschenbacher, Heiko. 2019. Language
and sexual normativity. In The Oxford Handbook of Language and
Sexuality. Oxford: Oxford University Press.
Myers, Greg. 2010. The
Discourse of Blogs and
Wikis. London: Continuum.
Norman, Don. 2013. The
Design of Everyday Things: Revised and Expanded Edition. New York: Basic Books.
O’Halloran, Kay. 2011. Multimodal
discourse analysis. In Bloomsbury Companion to Discourse
Analysis. Ken Hyland & Brian Paltridge (eds), 120–137. London: A&C Black.
OkCupid. 2020. Non-monogamy on
OkCupid – OkCupid help. <[URL]> (April 1 2020).
Perez, Caroline Criado. 2019. Invisible Women: Data Bias in a
World Designed for Men. New York: Abrams Press.
Pogensky, Ryley. 2013. OkCupid
petition: Extend the gender and sexuality options. Change.org. <[URL]> (June 29 2020).
Rich, Adrienne. 1980. Compulsory
heterosexuality and lesbian existence. Signs: Journal of Women in Culture and
Society 5(4): 631–660.
Ritchie, Ani & Barker, Meg. 2006. ‘There
aren’t words for what we do or how we feel so we have to make them up’: Constructing polyamorous languages in a culture of
compulsory
monogamy: Sexualities 9(5): 584–601.
Rosenfeld, Michael J. & Thomas, Reuben J. 2012. Searching for a mate:
The rise of the internet as a social intermediary. American Sociological
Review 77(4): 523–547.
Rubel, Alicia N. & Burleigh, Tyler J. 2020. Counting polyamorists
who count: Prevalence and definitions of an under-researched form of consensual
nonmonogamy. Sexualities 23(1–2): 3–27.
Rubin, Jennifer, Moors, Amy, Matsick, Jes, Ziegler, Ali & Conley, Terri. 2014. On
the margins: Considering diversity among consensually non-monogamous relationships. Journal für
Psychologie 22(1): 19–37.
Rudder, Christian. 2014. Dataclysm:
Love, Sex, Race, and Identity – What Our Online Lives Tell Us About Our Offline
Selves. London: Broadway Books.
Schippers, Mimi. 2016. Beyond
Monogamy: Polyamory and the Future of Polyqueer Sexualities. Kindle
Version. New York: NYU Press.
Sheff, Elisabeth. 2014. How
many polyamorists are there in the U.S.? Psychology Today. <[URL]> (October 3 2017).
Sheff, Elisabeth & Hammers, Corie. 2011. The
privilege of perversities: Race, class and education among polyamorists and
kinksters. Psychology &
Sexuality 2(3): 198–223.
Sheff, Elisabeth & Tesene, Megan M. 2015. Consensual
non-monogamies in industrialized nations. In Handbook of the Sociology of Sexualities, John DeLamater & Rebecca F. Plante (eds), 223–241. New York: Springer.
Shepherd, Dawn. 2016. Building
Relationships: Online Dating and the New Logics of Internet
Culture. Lanham: Lexington Books.
Shucart, Brendan. 2016. Polyamory
by the numbers. <[URL]> (January 18 2020).
Smith, Aaron. 2016. 15%
of American adults have used online dating sites or mobile dating apps. Pew Research
Center. <[URL]> (October 10 2017).
Smith, Aaron & Duggan, Maeve. 2013. Part
2: Dating Apps and Online Dating Sites. Pew Research Center. <[URL]> (October 10 2017).
Sun, Huatong. 2020. Global
Social Media Design: Bridging Differences Across
Cultures. Oxford: Oxford University Press.
[treena_kravm]. 2018. Please
stop using nesting partner when you really mean primary
partner. reddit. <[URL]> (August 10 2020).
[UsernameForSexStuff]. 2018. OkCupid making changes to
non-monogamous profiles. reddit. <[URL]> (January 31 2020).
Van Leeuwen, Theo. 2012. Critical
analysis of multimodal discourse. In The Encyclopedia of Applied
Linguistics, Carol Chapelle (ed), 1–6. Hoboken, NJ: John Wiley & Sons.
Wachter-Boettcher, Sara. 2017. Technically
Wrong: Sexist Apps, Biased Algorithms, and Other Threats of Toxic Tech. New York: W.W. Norton & Co.
Webb, Stephanie. 2017. “There
Will Be More Cookies”: A Discursive Exploration of Polyamorous Identity in a Monogamous
World. (Unpublished) PhD dissertation, University of Denver.
Wolkomir, Michelle. 2019. Swingers
and polyamorists: A comparative analysis of gendered power
dynamics. Sexualities 23(7): 1060–1079.
Wong, Curtis M. 2014. OkCupid begins rolling out new
gender, sexuality options. Huffington Post. <[URL]> (October 3 2017).
Cited by (3)
Cited by three other publications
Copulsky, Daniel & Phillip L Hammack
2023.
Consensual nonmonogamous relationships during the COVID-19 pandemic.
Sexualities
Döring, Nicola, Deevia Bhana & Kath Albury
2022.
Digital sexual identities: Between empowerment and disempowerment.
Current Opinion in Psychology 48
► pp. 101466 ff.
This list is based on CrossRef data as of 7 august 2024. Please note that it may not be complete. Sources presented here have been supplied by the respective publishers.
Any errors therein should be reported to them.